Losing Myself - The Journey to a Healthier Me

Deadline

2011-08-15T13:32:00.000-05:00

I have a deadline to meet, and I'm way behind schedule.

I wanted to be under 200 by the time I graduate in December. At 260ish right now, I ain't gonna make it. But I can still try, right?

We are B-R-O-K-E, BROKE, broke. As in no moolah to spare. This means that buying a ton of fruit and vegetables will not be likely. I will get what I can, but mostly I'm just going to have to exercise and eat a lot less. I can do that. I can do that.

In fact, I started toning this morning. I've got enough videos to have learned every move in the book that could possibly be done with dumbbells, and with a set of weights I bought from the Firm a few years ago, I can adjust quickly and easily to fit the move. I did upper body first, and this afternoon I'll do lower body. Tonight I'll do light cardio, and tomorrow I'll do a heavier cardio round. Then I'll just alternate days.

I can do this. I can do this.

Control

2011-03-01T10:30:00.000-06:00

I'm losing it.

Not the weight - oh, how I wish that were the case! - no, I am losing my tenuous grip on control. If the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, then I am most definitely lacking the last one. It doesn't just affect my weight loss attempts, either. I constantly battle myself, never doing what I want to do and never stopping what I don't want to do. (I think there's a Bible verse about that, too...)

I don't want to lose control now. Too much is at stake. I also know that I will never, ever, ever on my own manage to learn self-control - or self-discipline, or whatever you want to call it.

So my prayer is simply that I can keep myself in check. That is all.

School Is Easier

2011-02-24T12:08:00.000-06:00

I've been working at home for a few years now. My first time on WW, I was working for the same company, but I still went into the office every day. I would pack food for the whole day - usually leftovers or a Smart Ones frozen dinner, applesauce, a granola bar, a piece of string cheese, and some fruit - plus several water bottles and Kool-Aid packets. It worked well for me - I allowed myself just enough to eat that I didn't get too hungry, and packing my lunch kept portion sizes under control.

Shortly after I lost 80 pounds, I made the transition to working from home. At that point, the weight started coming back on rather quickly. Since I didn't need to pack a lunch, I had a tendency to not plan my meals - and usually I wound up grazing on whatever was in the house. My husband didn't see a need to follow my dietary regime, so there was usually ample junk food available. It didn't take long for me to gain it all back, and then some.

Fast forward a few years (and more than a few half-hearted attempts at WW). I'm still working from home, but that will be changing soon. Two to three nights a week I am in nursing school, so I'm back to packing lunches. If all goes well, I'll be taking a nurse tech job in a hospital soon and phase out my current work-at-home position. I stay tired and crazy all the time, and I grab fast far more often than I should.

But school nights - school nights are much, much better. Not only do I pack healthy food, but I also do more exercising. The Allied Health department (nursing, dental hygiene, PTAs, etc) just got this fancy brand-new building, and it has long hallways and big flights of stairs - long enough that I can just barely get in two laps on a ten-minute break. I will walk 2-4 laps before class, and then squeeze in as many as I can on the 4-5 breaks we get each evening.

I think I will miss school, although I suspect that counting points will be even more interesting when I get that nursing license. For now, though, I am thankful that there are at least two nights a week that I can keep under control.

And This Week....

2011-02-22T09:42:00.000-06:00

I am down another 2.2 pounds, for a grand total of an "official" 31.2 pounds lost, and an unofficial 36.2.

Woot!

Ten Percent

2011-02-16T11:59:00.000-06:00

I met my first significant goal - 10% of total body weight lost.

Still, I can tell I'm losing steam. I have to get re-motivated before I gain it all back.

Brief update, in case you were wondering about me.

2011-02-10T11:31:00.000-06:00

Just in case....

I had a bad week - then realized the reason was the impending arrival of Aunt Flo (I really detest that woman!). The next week I lost what I'd gained the previous week. This week, however, should result in a pretty good WI, if I don't completely blow it on chocolate after the test I have to take tonight.

At any rate, I've passed the 35-lb mark. That's 35 lost from my highest weight about a year ago. Granted, I haven't actively been trying to lose weight for a year, but I'm still counting that high point.

My goal is to be overweight when I walk across the stage at my pinning ceremony in December. According to my calculations, that will require a loss of 1.58139535 pounds per week. Can I do that? I think so, especially if I can finally start working in some exercise time. Should I succeed, it will also mean I passed the 100-lbs lost mark - something I failed to do the first time I successfully lost weight.

Wish me luck and a whole lotta self control!

They Noticed!

2011-01-20T19:41:00.000-06:00

I am so excited to report that people are starting to notice my weight loss! After a month-long hiatus from school, two of my instructors and some of my friends commented that they could tell I was losing weight.

Talk about motivation to keep going! It was wonderful to buy new jeans, even though it's the only pair I will have that fits for a while. Once I get out of those, then I have a whole supply of clothes from when I lost weight before. I dug them out of the closet a couple of weeks ago, washed it all, and hung it up. I cannot wait to have some new stuff to wear again!!!

25

2011-01-17T09:00:00.002-06:00

I've lost 25 pounds - 30 if you count from my highest weight.

Woot, woot!

Scrapbooking

2011-01-13T13:08:00.006-06:00

A zillion years ago when I lost weight the first time, I kept a scrapbook. I decided to do it again this go-round, as it was such a wonderful motivator and reminder of how far I'd come. This time I set up a template that I'll use each week (I don't exactly have a lot of time to be making brand-new pages over and over), and eventually I will have it printed by Shutterfly in an 8x8 book.

Here's the interesting thing: I needed a before picture, and the most recent one I could find of myself was taken over nine months ago! Before that I could only find headshots of myself, not full-body shots. I hate having my picture taken, but it dawned on me that I'd effectively erased myself from my family's pictures simply because I couldn't stand seeing myself so . . . fat.

So, I will resolve to move in front of the camera every now and then, and not just for "after" pictures. Which brings me to another point - there's no "after" shot in the page I'm going to show you. My tripod is busted so I will have to wait for Jeff to take the picture, but I wanted to show off a little now. I'm really happy with the design, and just hoping that I can keep up with it with my busy schedule.

One more thing - it does start with week 14. That's how long I've been doing WW this time. I only just now started the book, though.

**ETA: I was shocked when I compared the two pics. Even though the first one is old, it was at my highest weight. I have accomplished far more than I realized!!

WW & cooking

2011-01-11T23:18:00.000-06:00

I am now down 24 pounds. :)

And sometimes, no matter how great a recipe sounds, it just isn't edible. Case in point: Buffalo Chicken Meatloaf. It was awful. Might not ever cook with ground chicken again - which is saying a lot, because I went to a lot of trouble to find it in the first place!

But I do have a delicious-smelling Moroccan Chicken in my new crockpot. Hopefully it will be a little less disastrous.

And with that - good night!

20... and then some.

2011-01-06T13:03:00.000-06:00

I have officially (finally!) passed the 20-lb mark. It's taken a while; Christmas really threw me off. But I am really back on track and raring to go. I've dropped one full size in jeans, and I am starting to see a difference when I look in the mirror.

I really would like to be overweight by December. Sounds weird, huh? Right now I'm classified as "morbidly obese" (shudder). I got really close to it once before, and I really really really want to be there again. It won't put me at my weight goal of 150-ish, but I will be much closer than I am right now.

I'm trying all kinds of new recipes, and trying to figure out how to work exercise into my insanely busy schedule. School starts again next week, and I've got to be ready to hit the ground running!

Ahem

2010-12-06T19:55:00.000-06:00

In just over a year, I will be walking across a stage to receive a pin that says I've successfully survived nursing school. This is a big deal - bigger than a standard cap-and-gown affair. All the graduates wear white scrubs, speeches are made, and everyone sings Kum-Ba-Yah.

Okay, maybe not that song - but usually someone will sing. Point is, the ceremony is very personal and unique to the grads. I look forward to it more than I did my high school graduation.

I do not want to be fat when I walk across that stage. Especially not wearing white. I'd look like a beached whale.

Not exactly the image a health care worker wants to present.

So...

I'm a few weeks back into WW. I've lost 17 pounds. I still need to lose another 134.

Dear lord, did I just write that?

Yeah. I did.

So...

17 pounds down. I've finally started to exercise again. At school I walk the halls every chance I get. At home I'm doing arm curls when I'm stuck at the desk.

WW has just updated their program in such a way that encourages healthier, more natural food choices. I like it, I think - I just struggle to eat all that I'm supposed to. Who ever would have thought that would be possible? Even so, I'm making good choices so far.

Now I have to keep it up. I need to lose 2 pounds a week, and that ain't easy. Really, I'll be happy if I can walk across the stage at 180, but I'd like to be back to 153. It would be one hell of graduation gift to myself, eh?

Scales and Jeans

2010-11-22T18:49:00.000-06:00

I have (quietly) been doing WW again since around the first of October. I am happy - nay, even thrilled! - to report that I have now lost 14.2 pounds and have fit into three pair of jeans that I have not worn in a year.

Woot!!

Week One Results

2010-06-14T13:35:00.002-05:00

I lost 1.2 pounds. It wasn't the great start that I'd hoped for, but I will take it.

This week, I need to focus on two things: drinking more water and adding some exercise. Exercise worries me. The last time I tried it threw me into an asthma attack. I'm still recovering from a different attack that sent me to the ER. That was my first serious attack, and even though I now have all kinds of meds to help, I'm still a bit gun-shy of the whole thing.

Ah, well. Not thrilled about my start, but it's better than gaining, right?

False Mirrors

2010-06-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

Have you ever looked in the mirror and been startled to realize you didn't know the person looking back at you? For whatever reason, for so long you thought you were looking at the "real" you, but then the light turned just right for you to see the truth - leaving you horrified at the blatant honesty that you somehow refused to see - instead, you created a false mirror to project the image of yourself that your mind had created.

I was looking at my blog archives. For three years I've made one pathetic attempt after another to lose weight. For three years I've struggled, usually halfheartedly, to make the person in the mirror congruent with the person in my head. I've said "no more!" and "this time I mean it!" and issued countless other pitiful excuses.

I'm not going to do that again. I'm too tired to offer up platitudes of repentance (maybe too embarrassed, too). At the same time, I don't feel a need to beat myself up, either.

I just have a goal... a simple one, at that. Tomorrow, I want to eat well. I want to make wise choices for every bite I put in my mouth. And I'd like to attempt some light exercise, if my asthma will allow it. The latter remains to be seen, but I will certainly try.

We shall see.

HUGE Victory!

2010-03-07T09:16:00.002-06:00

Before I explain my blog title, I need to tell you that (once again) I am doing the Weight Watcher thing. I am beginning to feel like the Boy Who Cried Wolf - how many times can a girl say she's dieting before everyone just writes it off as another two-week phase? *sigh* I had a little scare one night during class - thought I might be having a heart attack - and even though my blood work looks pretty good, I realized I'd better nip it in the bud before I really had a major problem. So I rejoined WW for the umpteeth time. Really, now - I've completely lost count. I am also going to meetings this time 'round. Well, sorta. A lady I go to church with is a lifetime member, and she's trying a new approach to meetings. She'll be running a meeting at church, and I should be able to swing by on my lunch break. I'll really only have time to weigh in, but that's good enough for me.

Now, moving on to the story...

I am so proud of myself. :)

Yesterday was a long, busy day - but not a bad one. Peepop sang in a barbershop concert last night, and by the time I was ready to leave for the show, I'd accomplished every single one of the GHG's for the day, with 15.5 points to spare. I did this because I knew we'd be leaving early and I wouldn't have a chance to eat again for several hours.

Now, I thought we'd be going to Cracker Barrel after the show, since that's what we usually do. I can navigate CB just fine. Instead, we went to the cast party - and all they had was pizza and chips & dip. Mind you, I was starving.

Here's what I would have done two weeks ago: Eaten at least 3 pieces of pizza, plus a plateful of chips. I probably would've stopped at 3 only because there were other people there who wanted to eat also. Believe me, if I'd had pizza at home, 3 pieces would only have been an appetizer. lol

This is what I actually did: Found the smallest piece of plain cheese pizza I could (like I said - I was hungry, and I did still have 15 points left) and drank a glass of water.

That's it. You cannot imagine the self-restraint it took not to dive in, hungry as I was. I knew, though, that once I got started, I would have a hard time quitting, and I'd blow right past those 15 points.

Chalk up Big Victory Number One for me. :) Woot!!!!

MIA, WW, SIL

2009-10-12T07:34:00.002-05:00

Funny how the internet turns everything into acronyms, eh? lol :)

First off - I gave up around July. My life got a little out of hand. Heck... it's still out of hand, but since it appears it will stay that way for a good long time, I better just learn to deal with it. Therefore, I rejoined WW online (online, because there are no meetings I can attend with my current class schedule).

And finally, my SIL is now my weight loss buddy. Here's to keeping each other on track!

My starting weight is 274.4. Ugh. What a horrid number. I have a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long way to go.

Weigh-In 7.20.09

2009-07-20T11:27:00.002-05:00

This morning wasn't quite so spectacular as last week, but I had expected that. However, the scale did show a loss, and even if it was only 0.6 pounds, I am happy. My blood sugar has been bottoming out, which means I have to eat something, which means I typically overdo it. Not really sure what is up with that, either.

Money has gotten tight, and the cupboards have naturally gone bare as a result - but as usual, God provided. I now have a little extra, and I am planning a much-needed trip to the grocery store. I still can't buy much, but at least I can look forward to more than rice, beans, and oatmeal for the next several days.

I know I've said this before, but I keep hearing so much talk about positive thinking, and "YOU can do it!" and "Dig deep within yourself to find your motivation!" and blah blah blah.

If anybody thinks they can really lose weight and keep it off permanently, while leaving God out of the equation - they've got another think coming. For that matter, I really don't believe it can be done without an entire network of supportive friends and family. It's sad to me that society keeps telling us we can do things on our own, without any help. We miss out on so much - the companionship and help of our friends and our Lord.

Okay. I'll descend now from my soapbox before I bore you to tears.

Victory Dance

2009-07-13T07:55:00.000-05:00

Okay, okay... so I have no rhythm and do not dance. I'm excited anyway - this morning the scale informed me that I was down 4.4 pounds!

Woot!

Happy Birthday to Me!

2009-07-06T09:54:00.003-05:00

I had a great birthday and ate too much - gained 0.4 pounds. However, that is pretty much negligible in my book, and could easily be chalked up to a little water retention. I am not complaining.

Today I join Curves, and I am very much looking forward to hopping onto the circuit and the old familiar machines. It is a workout I know and love, and even as I write this, I am somewhat amused at the thought of me actually excited at the prospect of a workout! When I return, I will post my starting measurements.

Can't wait to get started - I am feeling motivated and raring to go!

Week 2

2009-07-01T12:01:00.001-05:00

The scale moved in the right direction - finally! I did have to buy a new scale, but I still think I managed to lose somewhere between 2-3 pounds.

Can't tell you how much I needed that little boost to keep going.

I Is What I Is

2009-07-01T11:54:00.001-05:00

(x-post from the WW website)

I try to be a realist. Jeff tells me I'm pessimistic; I just say I am prepared for the worst. As a wannabe photographer, I try to look at the world in all its colors, to see the subtle nuances of all that is. As a wannabe writer, I relish detail. A simple "yes" or "no" is never good enough for me.

In spite of the attention to detail, in spite of looking so closely to see things as they really are, in spite of my search for what truly is - in spite of all that, I rarely turn that lens or pen on to myself. I don't want to know the truth about me, about what I am. It means having to face imperfection, which I disdain vigorously.

Why else do you think I am morbidly obese? I ignored the problem, chose not to see it, until the damage had been done.

So for today, I want to think about what I am - and what I am not. It's not a self-deprecating session; it's an honest look at myself, to see the bad right along with the good.

I am fat.
I am often lazy.
I am not always honest with myself.
I can see the flaws in others, but not in me.
I am jealous of those who I find prettier than me.
I wish I was popular and had a million friends, but I don't.
I self-medicate with food.

- BUT -

I am compassionate.
I am a good mother.
I am intelligent.
I am creative.
I am a hard worker when the task interests me.
I am patient.
I am forgiving.
I am generous.
I am filled to overflowing with big dreams.

All of the latter eclipse the former. Yes, I am fat. Yes, it's my own fault - and yes, I can do something about it, so long as I do not try to forget who I really am - the good and the bad.

Week 1

2009-06-22T07:26:00.001-05:00

I did everything right, I swear it. Sadly, it was not enough. I gained a pound.

*sigh* I guess it's on to next week. Maybe it will be better.

Not of My Own

2009-06-17T06:35:00.000-05:00

I actually dislike Fraggle Rock, but Jeff bought Bebo a couple of the DVDs anyway. In one episode, a little Doozer strikes out for adventure, singing a song with the line "I'm on my own, I'm on my own, I'm my own." That doesn't really work out for her, though. She needs Gobo Fraggle to help her out of a mess.

In my weight loss "adventures" - yo-yoing around an 80-lb loss - I have come to realize something. For all the "if it is to be, it's up to me" talk, and all the "you CAN do it!" mantras, the truth remains - I can't do this on my own.

It's much more than just having a great support group, too. I've consistently left God out of the equation. I am not one of these religious loons you see on TV, but I do know what I believe and why I believe it. All these years of back-and-forth, losses and binges, successes and failures has just shown me how much I really need to rely on Him. I suppose part of me thinks that since I got myself into this mess in the first place, I should get myself out. Another part tells me that God is not impressed with such a petty request as one to lose a few (okay, a lot of) pounds.

And yet, deep down, I know that isn't true. I know that He can provide me with the self-discipline I so blatantly lack. I know that I should be feeding my emotions with Him instead of with food. I know that I can do it, but only with His help can I totally stay the course.

So my "mantra" has changed... I can do this - but only by the grace of God. I do not apologize for it, either. My Christianity is as much a part of me as anything else, and it has always brought out the best in me when I was at my lowest. It's time to let that happen again.

"I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me." Php 4:13

My Momma

2009-06-16T07:18:00.002-05:00

Mom needs to lower her triglycerides, doctor's orders. I need to lose weight. We need each other. I'm going to hold her accountable and she will do the same for me. I don't eat like they do, but we are trading food and recipe ideas, anyway.

Mom is one of these people who believes everyone is entitled to her opinion. :) Strangely, this is exactly what I need. She will not pull punches when it comes to dishing out the cold hard truth and she definitely will not care if she hurts my feelings in the process. (Not that she's a meanie, but Jeff is too afraid to insult me - even if it's needed.)

I am glad for this partnership. We are weighing in on Mondays and Fridays. It was embarrassing to admit out loud how much I weigh - I don't enjoy saying that particular number. But it's just Mom, and it's not like I can hide how big I really am. I'm only fooling myself if I think I can.

Yesterday was a pretty good eating day. I have decided to count points because it's what I know, and actually came in under my daily points by a bit. I didn't intend for it to work out that way, because you're supposed to eat them all, but I got to the end of the day and simply was not hungry, so I ate 28 instead of 31 points.

I had good food, too - a scrambled egg sandwich & watermelon for breakfast, a spinach/strawberry/chicken salad for lunch, an ice cream sandwich, blueberry muffin & apple for snacks, and a fajita salad for supper. Tasty.

Today I'm thinking oatmeal with strawberries for breakfast, a BST (bacon-spinach-tomato) & watermelon for lunch, and meatloaf for supper. Yes, folks - eating healthy does not mean you have to give up the things you love!

So it's off to the races. Competition is a good thing. If I can keep Mom into it and she starts losing weight, it will provide just the bit of a competitive edge that I thrive on. Let's see how it goes, shall we?

06.10.09

2009-06-11T11:04:00.004-05:00

What I ate yesterday:

Breakfast

1/2 c. oatmeal
1 c. strawberries
iced coffee (1 c. milk, 3 c. coffee)
Total Points: 6

Lunch

Chicken sandwich
-2 slices whole wheat bread
-4 oz chicken
-spinach, tomatoes
-slice cheese
-1 tsp miracle whip & 1 tsp mustard
1 c. watermelon
1/2 roasted bell pepper
Total Points: 8

Snacks

1 svg salt & vinegar chips
1/2 c. neopolitan ice cream
Total Points: 6

Supper

1 c. Chicken Heck-Yeah soup
chicken souvlaki
pita
medium fries
1/4 personal pan cheese pizza
Total Points: 24

Total Points for day: 44
Points available: 33

Not-so-Friendly Reminder

2009-05-03T09:18:00.002-05:00

Got one of those today... turns out I can't eat what I want and lose weight. I gained a pound.

Duh.

I'm not into mantras and meditation, but this week I choose one - when I want to eat, I will ask myself this:

What do I want?

If need be, I'll ask it over and over, so I can remind myself of exactly what I'm working for.

- to lose enough weight to comfortably survive clinicals
- to be healthy for Braeden
- to be healthy for myself
- to be healthy so that I can think about baby #2
- to look good
- to feel good in my own skin

What do I want?

End of the Tunnel

2009-05-01T09:24:00.002-05:00

To say that this has been a wild week would be a gross understatement. Both cars broke down, we've been dealing with finals and of course the usual daily issues. I'm tired, and haven't had much time to exercise. Food is tempting me sorely, and I've given in too many times.

I have a final to take this afternoon, and then I'm going to cook a few meals for the week before settling into a study routine. I also hope to exercise a little more than I have been. My major goal for this week is simply to keep my head above water. Once finals are over, I can breathe, and for that, I am exceptionally thankful. I haven't looked forward to summer this much in years! LOL

Two

2009-04-27T07:14:00.003-05:00

Two more pounds down. (Total of eight.) Somewhat surprising, I admit.

Two days I really exercised last week (five days a week is somewhat unrealistic for me, though I did manage some serious house-cleaning).

Two years is how long I think it will take to lose this weight.

Two recipes that I will make today.

Two sizes to go and I will have plenty of clothes to wear again.

Two shirts that I have right now that are decent enough to wear to church.

Two more days until there's enough money in the bank for me to refill the healthy foods in the fridge & pantry.

Two pounds lost this week (did I mention that already?)

In Recovery

2009-04-21T21:43:00.003-05:00

This week, I decided to up the ante a bit with my exercise. I increased the weights - not significantly, I thought, but it seems that even a one or two pound difference is enough to make your muscles scream "Uncle!'"

I didn't want to work out at all. I'm not exactly feeling great, and I just wasn't in the mood. But I kept thinking about my goal, and the reason I want to lose the weight - so I pushed myself through anyway.

My eating habits haven't been spectacular, but they are still a drastic improvement over what I would have eaten a few weeks ago. I think it's time to back off the artificial sweeteners, because I seem to have a constant sweet tooth. I'm slowly decreasing the amount I put in my tea, although my morning brew is just going to have to settle for coffee with my cream & splenda. :)

In one of my former WW lives, I had started a mini-scrapbook, and I'm thinking about doing that again. I suppose I should take "before" pictures, too, even as much as I hate facing the camera. Having a visual comparison to see where I've been and where I'm going is an incredible motivation.

And on that note, I have cooled off sufficiently to hop in the shower, and then I think I'm going to turn in early. 'Night!

Goal 1: Met

2009-04-19T07:31:00.003-05:00

I decided to follow the advice I see in every weight-loss article and set mini-goals of five pounds each. This morning, two weeks in, I met my first goal. Actually, I passed it - I lost three pounds for a total of six lost. This makes me happy, of course - especially since it's that time of the month ,and I tend to retain water pretty badly.

I have done my very best to force down as much fluid as possible. Yesterday I drank three Bubba Kegs ( 34 oz) of water and three of decaf unsweetened tea. (Funny how I measure water intake in Bubba Kegs!) I also spent two hours busting tail on the house, and even though I didn't really want to, another 30 minutes on the bike. 30 minutes is all I can take before my back & butt start to hurt. The seat is not the most comfortable thing in the world.

Moving on to this week... my goals are:

1) dig out a cardio video. I am awful at it, but I need to step up the cardio a bit from the bike. Not sure yet which one I'll do.

2) Keep guzzling the water - a minimum of 3 Bubba Kegs a day.

3) Plan menus for next week with at least one casserole-type food. I am quickly getting tired of piecing together all my meals in the form of sandwiches or salads. It just isn't the way I enjoy eating - I like complexity and crazy flavors.

I can do it, yes I can!

Scheduling

2009-04-17T11:03:00.003-05:00

I have encountered an unexpected snag. Jeff's new job has him working nights (7pm-7am), which means that he sleeps in the daytime, and on days he doesn't work, is totally underfoot. The problem with all this is that it often leaves me without a good time to exercise. I can work out in my bedroom, but it's not ideal because there isn't quite enough room to move. If he is home, he and Bebo are monopolizing the TV in the living room, and I don't like working out with an audience. Obviously, daytime workouts are out of the question because my lardo butt stomping around on the hardwood floor in this little house wouldn't exactly be conducive to his bedtime, now would it?

Gotta figure out something...

In the meantime, I'm still figuring out cooking, too. I really love casseroles & soups, but it seems like lately with everyone going different directions, it's been easier for us to fend for ourselves. I don't like it, but it seems to be working for now. I might reduce my preferred weekend cooking to one or two casseroles, leaving the rest of the meals up to the whim of the moment.

What I really need to do is think of this as a lifestyle, and that can be the hardest part of all.

NSV!!

2009-04-15T21:38:00.002-05:00

"NSV" is Weight Watcher speak for "non-scale victory." It signifies an event, however small, of achievement in the weight loss journey. Today I had a wonderful NSV.

When you're overweight, you might have the same problem I do - the inner thighs of my jeans are all worn thin. Since I usually only have 1-2 pairs of jeans at any given time, I tend to go through them rather quickly. My current pair is starting to thin, and I know it won't be much longer before holes are poking through. I had another pair, supposedly in the same size, but cut differently, that I haven't worn in a couple of months because they were so tight they were uncomfortable.

Tonight I only had one pair of jeans clean - the tight ones, of course - so I thought I'd try them on, hoping that maybe they wouldn't be too ridiculously snug and that I could at least suffer through an hour of church without being too miserable. To my total surprise, they fit quite comfortably! I'm not bothered in the least by wearing them. Woot!

Just goes to show ya that three pounds lost and a little bit of exercise can do more than you realize - even when the results just aren't visible yet.

Sliding

2009-04-14T09:20:00.002-05:00

It's funny, isn't it, how one little foray into old habits can nearly sabotage the entire thing? Yesterday I needed to do a little work at the old house, and so I promised Braeden that if he was good, we'd go to Taco Bell. I intended to get my usual low-point meal - a fresco taco and pintos & cheese - but they have these new taco salads, and they were calling my name...

So yeah, I got off track a little. Then Jeff brought me back a corn dog from Krystal (I love their corn dogs!). I didn't make the healthiest choices, but what I did do was avoid a lot of unnecessary snacking. I also exercised, so I made up for it, at least a little.

Today my goal is to really pay attention to what I eat, and stay away from the junk food. I also have a date with the recumbent bike and a movie.

All is not lost, but I need to be very careful not to to make an out-of-control slide down a very slippery slope.

A Near-Miss

2009-04-13T11:04:00.002-05:00

Yesterday got off to a good start, but wound up being an overload day. Our lunch plans (a healthy grilled Mexican chicken salad) were shot down when apparently the restaurant owners decided they should celebrate Easter, too. (Not that I blame them.) So we wound up at another local joint without any significant healthy options - at least none that I wanted to eat. To my credit, I didn't "lick the platter clean."

I did manage to stay out of the snack food at home, though. After church I wound up eating out again, and since I'd been craving pancakes lately, ordered a child's pancake plate at Cracker Barrel. I'll admit I was somewhat disappointed - the flapjacks just weren't as good as they usually are.

Then I got home too late to exercise. All of this is okay, though. I ate some food I had really wanted without going totally overboard, and it doesn't hurt to have a rest day here and there, either. This morning I felt a bit queasy - I think the milk I put in my coffee was bad or something - and so I didn't eat anything until lunch. I had another one of those yummy spinach-strawberry-chicken salads, and I think I'm going to finish it off with some pineapple chunks.

I should be going now... Monday calls.

Yay!

2009-04-12T07:50:00.002-05:00

Progress - I lost three pounds this week! I know that most of it is probably water, but I don't care. The scale is moving in the appropriate direction. :)

Yesterday I took an exercise break so I could study and just chill a little. Tonight I will probably do another video.

I made some yummy, but healthy treats yesterday. First was a delightful salad - spinach leaves, strawberries, baked chicken (wish it'd been grilled, but alas - no grill), and fat-free raspberry vinaigrette. Sinful! Lots of dietary goodness, and it was soooo yummy!

The second treat was to curb my sweet tooth, which was begging for ice cream. I bought some fat-free vanilla ice cream (just 80 calories for 1/2 a cup) and paired it with a banana, fat-free caramel syrup and Hershey's dark chocolate syrup. A little of the syrups goes a long way, and really helps to deal with the craving for ice cream. The whole thing would've been the equivalent of 6 WWPs - a little decadent, but certainly better than indulging in a banana split from Sonic, eh?

I think breakfast is going to involve pineapple, banana, strawberry, apple and maybe some whole-grain toast with a smear of natural peanut butter.

Here's the key to all this: I've got to keep it doable for the long haul. If at any point I start to feel like I'm on a diet, that will be the end of it. That's part of the reason I'm not counting points - I just got tired of it the first time I was on Weight Watchers. Like I've said before, I am following the principles of the program, but not the letter.

Here's to the start of another great week!

Good Friday

2009-04-11T00:44:00.003-05:00

It was so good to have a day off - two Saturdays are nice! :) I admittedly was quite lazy today - sleeping in until almost 11, then taking a nap again later in the day. Apparently I need to catch up on my beauty rest!

I didn't fritter away the entire day, though. I spent a good bit of time in the kitchen. First I cut up fresh strawberries, spread the pieces out on a baking pan, and froze them. Then they went to a ziploc baggie so I can easily make smoothies or whatever else suits my fancy. Next I tackled the pineapple, which wasn't as difficult as I'd expected. I'd read that you can squeeze juice from the peels, and I got quite a bit that way. I baked a batch of brown rice, then cooked a delicious sweet & sour dish.

Once I was finished in the kitchen, it was time to do some actual work, so I spent the next three hours or so cleaning the house. I still have more to do tomorrow, but it'll have to wait until Jeff leaves for work. I don't want to wake him while he's trying to rest between shifts. No exercise - hoofing it on the house counts, as far as I'm concerned! LOL

Hoping

2009-04-09T22:23:00.004-05:00

I really hope that when I step on the scale Sunday I will have lost some weight. I've worked hard this week, exercising and trying my best to eat right (albeit on a budget). I did a tough sculpting video tonight, and my legs feel like jelly. I might not exercise tomorrow because I have serious housework to do - mopping, dusting, laundry - that sort of thing. I learned a long time ago that if I can burn some serious calories if I really attack the house instead of halfway cleaning at it.

Today I ate Uncle Sam's cereal with banana chunks for breakfast, a tuna-hummus-spinach English muffin sandwich, a small bowl of Fruity Pebbles, a miniature 3 Musketeers, a fresco chicken taco and pintos & cheese. I think I'll eat an apple for a bedtime snack.

I went grocery shopping and bought a lot of fruit - strawberries, pineapple, bananas, etc. Tomorrow I'll chop the berries and freeze them. I might do the same with the pineapple. Of course, I've never bought a pineapple, and I don't exactly know what to do with it (though I thought I might roast some of the slices in the oven.) Meals this coming week will be simple again, but I think I can tolerate that.

Here's to a healthy three-day weekend!

So far this week...

2009-04-08T09:16:00.002-05:00

I've done well. I don't want to get too excited and brag too much, because it seems that I tend to backslide pretty quickly. It's like I jinx myself or something.

Anyway. . . I did a sculpting workout Monday and rode the recumbent last night. I'm keeping the workouts to 30 minutes because I don't want to burn out or try to do too much at one time.

So far, my food intake has also been good. I've tried to keep my portions down, and I've managed to eat relatively healthy foods. Still not counting points, per se, but I am at least giving careful consideration to what I do eat.

Next week will be tougher. We are ridiculously tight on money right now. It's going to be a struggle just to pay the bills, much less buy food to eat. I'll probably have to resort to scraping the pantry dry, which means decidedly less healthy food options. I'm praying that God will send a little extra our way. Jeff's new job will help, but it's going to take 2-3 weeks for him to get a paycheck, and we need the money now.

After a week and a half of no thyroid meds, I finally got a refill. It'll take a couple of days to get my system lined out again, but I'm starting to feel better already. It's rather pointless to try to lose weight when my thyroid is totally out of whack - I'm just spinning my wheels. I go to the doc in a couple of weeks, and I'm going to see if he'll give me T3 and T4 replacers, since I'm not convinced that everything is working as perfectly as I'd like it to.

Today is a rest day. I have homework and studying to do, plus it's church night. Tomorrow I'll be back to the sculpting videos.

Feelin' Good

2009-04-06T11:19:00.003-05:00

NSV (non-scale victory) - Jeff brought home a yummy pizza last night - chicken, bacon, ranch, tomato, and feta cheese. Tasty as it looked, and even though I was a wee bit hungry, I only had one small piece. Yay me!

So far today I've had oatmeal with banana chunks, a couple of rice cakes, a spinach/tomato/cucumber salad with parmesan & a spray-on Caesar dressing, and a baked sweet potato with a wedge of French Onion Laughing Cow cheese. I was skeptical about the potato-LC combo, but it was fantastic. Tonight I'm thinking about baked tilapia with coconut breading. Mmmm....

I'm not counting points, and I'm not doing WW Core, either. I am somewhat following the principles - especially the "healthy guidelines" that tell you to eat 5 servings of fruits/veggies, 6 cups water, etc. Mostly I'm just watching my portions and trying to eat less junk.

Last night I baked an entire bag of chicken to use however we feel like this week. I'll use some of it for chicken salad - yum! I wish we had a decent grill, but that (like many other things) will have to wait.

Depending on how Bebo feels when I pick him up from school today, we might go to the old house and work for an hour or so. If not, I'll just do more housework here (like I did last night), and then I'm going to drag out one of my Firm DVDs. I am not sure yet how well it will work with my limited space, but I'm going to give it a whirl anyway. It will probably take a few tries for me to figure out how best to set up my workout space, and that's okay.

Must go now!

Better

2009-04-05T17:39:00.003-05:00

Yes, today was pretty good (so far, at least - I suppose I could still ruin it). I managed to eat Mexican without having a disaster. No small feat, is it? I ate a grilled chicken salad topped with salsa instead of salad dressing, and about a dozen chips with salsa. For breakfast I had a PB & banana sandwich. Supper is going to be carrot sticks and a English muffin topped with homemade hummus, red pepper, and tuna. Sounds a little strange, but I'm up for anything, especially if it's cheap.

Last night I rode the recumbent for half an hour while doing light arm conditioning, then spent about 10 minutes doing various crunches. I finally figured out that I can do crunches on the bed without hurting my back. My mattress is firm enough that I still get the effect of the exercise, and it's definitely better than trying to do crunches on a hardwood floor. :)

I did it... I stepped on the scale. I knew it would be bad, so it didn't surprise me that I am only five pounds lighter than the day I went in the hospital to have Braeden.

But you know something? I don't care. I can't change what's already done. There's no sense in beating myself up because I lost the weight and gained it back, or even for gaining it in the first place. Can't do anything about it now, can I? I can only look forward, and that's what I am going to do.

Yesterday I got a piece of paper in the mail that really kicked me into gear. The first sentence read "The Chattanooga State Nursing Program is pleased to inform you of your acceptance into the 2009 night nursing class." Once I got over the excited jitters and called everyone I knew to tell them the news, it hit me that it's now or never. No more excuses. I am done being fat. I have a solid, concrete, real motivation.

A lot in my life has changed since January. So many things are looking up for the better - our new home, Jeff's new job, our marriage. . . might as well add my health to the list.

....and We're Off!

2009-04-04T09:23:00.003-05:00

Haven't posted in a while because I haven't dieted in a while. My brain has just been too overloaded lately to think about eating healthy. The other gigantic problem is that fresh produce is way more expensive than ramen noodles and mac & cheese. But I've been thinking about it (as my "fat" jeans are getting increasingly uncomfortable) and have decided that it makes more sense to spend a litle extra money now instead of later.

My father-in-law is diabetic. He's in the hospital for the second time this year. While my family doesn't have a predisposition for diabetes, Jeff's does, and that means Braeden does, too. Yes, he's a skinny-mini, but I have got to change his habits now before permanent damage is done.

So I went to the store and bought (cheap) basic foods - tea, chicken, produce, whole wheat pasta - that sort of thing. I'm going to cook all the chicken at once and chop the veggies for the salad at the same time. We just can't afford the exotic stuff I really like, so we're going to have to get used to plain old food. bleh.

In a few minutes I'm heading over to the old house to do some serious cleaning. Depending on how hard we work, I might come home and do a WATP video or something. My big exercise goal for tonight is actually to make out a schedule for the month. I am more likely to work out if I schedule it in. It will be tough with finals coming up, but I am just going to have to make myself do it.

Oh, and I'm brining the scale from the old house. Time to face the music I've been avoiding for the last few months.

Just for Kicks

2009-01-14T07:50:00.002-06:00

Thought I'd post again... I have lost a little bit of weight, though I'm not quite sure how much. (I wrote the starting number and put it in a safe place, and - you guessed it - promptly forgot where the safe place was.) Anyway, budget constraints mean I am not cooking the healthiest foods in the world. The difference is that I'm not eating out and I'm not eating as much. I'd like to be exercising, but with this latest bout of sinus/chest infection, my asthma is a mess and exercise is out of the question. I'm doing good to walk outside without hacking up a lung. But I am also feeling better every day, so maybe by next week I'll be able to go for a slow ride on the recumbent bike.

You gotta do what you gotta do. Hopefully I'll lose a little in the move next month. There's a patio and room to play outside, so we plan to get out as a family and play in the yard. (What a novel concept that is!)

So, overall - no complaints. I'm pleased with the progress.

Sick Today

2009-01-04T10:51:00.000-06:00

I managed to get the cooking done, but you can forget about the housework. Just walking across the room is enough to send me into a coughing fit right now. That eliminates exercise for a bit, too.

I cooked all vegetarian dishes last night, although spaghetti with a bit of meat sauce is on the menu for later this week. Gotta use up the stuff in the freezer, ya know? This morning I had my fave iced coffee and oatmeal with bananas and about a teaspoon of chopped walnuts. Lately the oatmeal has been numero uno on my Crave List. Thankfully, a side effect of feeling crappy has been that I don't have much of an appetite, so despite it being close to my munchies time of the month, food is not so very appealing right now.

Guess that's it for now. Have a happy, restful Sunday!

New year, Day 2

2009-01-02T11:09:00.003-06:00

I'm starting off the new year with a rip-roaring cough, nasal congestion, and sporadic asthma attacks. Not the best motivator for exercising, ya know? But that's okay. I tried quinoa yesterday - strange, but edible - though I'm uncertain how I'll get my family to eat it. I did manage to go grocery shopping, and at hubby's request, made a list of prices. He wants me to at least try shopping somewhere besides Wal-Mart, though in this area I am honestly not convinced I'm going to get things any cheaper. But I'm going along with him anyway, since he asked real nice. ;)

The vegetarian thing is going to happen slowly. I have some meat in the freezer that needs to be used up, and I don't want to make the transition a sudden, ugly thing for the rest of the fam.

I weighed myself this morning. I am not recording the weight here, so don't ask. However, I am going to jot it down in a safe place and hide the scale for a while. I wanted to have a reference point for later, and that's the only reason I got on it.

Now I'm off to slowly struggle through a day of housework and cooking, hopefully without inducing a coughing fit or asthma attack. Wish me luck!

A Series of Unfortunate Events

2008-12-30T21:06:00.002-06:00

So I think I may have used this title for my other blog... shhh. Don't tell anyone that I'm plagiarizing myself.

In the last 2-3 weeks or so, events have occurred as follows:

1) I saw a picture of myself that kinda (okay, really) freaked me out.

2) I teasingly asked Bebo if I could ride his bike, and he said, "No, Mommy, you're too fat."

3) I spent almost an entire week grazing on food that wasn't even that great.

4) When my 5-year-old nephew said he wished he had a bigger mouth so he could eat more food, I told him he'd have to have a bigger tummy to hold it all. "You have a big tummy" was his reply.

These events were somewhat unfortunate, but not entirely so. Yes, my feelings were a bit hurt at the innocent comments of children. Yes, I was embarrassed at a picture of myself. Yes, I felt guilty for eating on autopilot yet again. In spite of all that - maybe because of it - I have a renewed sense of motivation. Amazingly, I haven't even wanted to eat for the last couple of days. I just don't have an appetite. Foods that I could graze on all day just aren't that appealing. It might be because I'm sick, but I know it's time to try something new.

We're trying to save money this year. With a move and a new vehicle, we are going to be tight on funds for a while, so I am dropping my $17/month Weight Watchers subscription. I don't need it, anyway. I've decided that it's time for a new approach, one that the whole family can take.

You see, I am tired of cooking for three different people. And while Bebo is quite fit and slender right now, his genetics are programmed otherwise. Jeff & I are in the worst shape of our lives, and I want our family to be healthier than that. I want more for Bebo than that. I fear that the day is coming when he will be embarrassed by my weight, and that would indeed break my heart.

So instead of dieting, per se, we are simply going to make healthy choices. Like it or not, my uber-picky child is going to learn to try new foods. We are going to cut out red meat almost entirely, and eat fish or poultry maybe once a week. I'm really getting tired of meat, anyway. I think I'd rather just eat veggies and pasta.

The other task for this new year is to exercise as a family. While I intend to use the recumbent bike and dust off the Firm equipment, I want us all to enjoy playtime together.

In other words - I want my family to be healthy. At this point, it's not so much about losing weight (though believe me, it is still a major goal) as it is living a lifestyle that gives us a long future and is glorifying to God. Frankly, my obsession with food can't be a positive spiritual role model for anyone.

I'm off now to find vegetarian recipes, and maybe order some wild rice and other items that I struggle to find in this podunk little town. A lot is changing for our family this year, and for once, I finally have hope that maybe we can change this aspect of our lives, too.

Ohhhh....

2008-12-15T06:24:00.003-06:00

It is somewhat easy to flit through life, oblivious to (or possibly just ignoring) the obvious. Even easier is to distort the picture we see in the mirror to the point that we don't recognize the way someone else sees us until we are confronted with it at point-blank range and have no choice but to accept the truth.

I love to look at the world through a camera lens. What was once ordinary and unnoticed becomes art through a viewfinder. But this photographer hates to be photographed. I always say there's a reason I'm behind the camera instead of in front of it. Pictures of me are few and far between, so when I actually have one taken, it always comes as a bit of a shock.

I had one of those this weekend. Elle, if you read this, don't feel bad - it ain't your fault. I was trying to stand for that picture in such a way as not to look like the biggest person in the room, but there was no hiding the elephant in the purple shirt. It's always bad to see pictures of yourself - worse when you're the biggest person in the room by at least 75 pounds.

But I suppose I'm glad to have seen it. I needed that visual reminder of what I've let myself become. I am running out of time, and I have to get on it now.

Perhaps someday soon I'll be able to move past talking about it and actually do it.

The ultimate discouragement

2008-11-10T06:09:00.001-06:00

You work hard allll week. You exercise. You drink your water. You watch your portions.

You don't lose weight.

Nope. None lost. In fact, you gain a pound and a half.

Seriously, I am going to give it one more week, and then I quit forever. This is ridiculous. I did everything right! What is wrong with me?!

Irritated

2008-11-08T20:02:00.002-06:00

I have worked so hard this week - trying to do everything right - and all for naught, it seems. I haven't lost the first ounce. I know, I know, my official WI day is Monday, but usually the scale starts moving before then. I really mean I've done everything right. This is going to get discouraging fast if I am behaving and exercising for nothing.

NSV!!

2008-11-05T11:36:00.004-06:00

I had asked Jeff to pick up a Chicken McNugget Happy Meal for me, with apple dippers instead of fries. Sure enough, they didn't get the order right, and I found myself staring at hot fries, crisp and fresh out of the fryer.

I LOVE McD's fries.

I ate one... and dumped the rest on the floor for my little dog to enjoy. Then I went into the kitchen and got an apple and a little natural PB to dip it in.I am SOOOO proud of myself! :)

So far, I've been pretty good this week. I am happy to report that I have exercised two days in a row, and tonight I plan to do a FIRM video. In case you can't tell, I am feeling a bit re-energized (or at least pretending to feel that way).

I would say "wish me luck," but somehow "wish me self-control" sounds better. :)

Long Time, No Post

2008-10-30T15:16:00.002-05:00

That would be because I quit. I quit trying. Hardly a surprise, is it? The ironic part is that I'm studying all about healthy eating in a nutrition class while munching on Halloween candy. There's something wrong with this picture.

Don't know what to say, don't know what to do. Don't know how to get out of this rut of maintaining. It sucks.

On the Road to Nowhere

2008-10-15T06:41:00.002-05:00

Or more precisely, the road to the same place I've been for the last two months.

Ugh. I just can't get my heart into this. I have to, but my mouth hasn't got the message. In some ways, I've done better the last couple of weeks - I'm not eating as much - but I'm still not making great choices. I did cook some pretty rockin' stuff this weekend, but . . . heck, I don't know what my problem is.

I'm frustrated. The only good thing I can say is that I haven't actually gained any weight. Frankly, though, that isn't much encouragement.

One Step Forward.... a Million Back

2008-09-24T07:35:00.002-05:00

I gained another half-pound this week. You know what that means?

In five weeks, I have lost a net of 1.4 pounds. Good grief.

Oh, I know - I could make a million excuses. Some might even be justifiable. The cold, hard, ugly truth? I'm just not into it.

This week, I am committing to journal everything I eat.

Confession

2008-09-19T09:01:00.002-05:00

I've been a bad, bad girl. I have eaten anything and everything I wanted, without regard to the consequences.

Now I am paying the price. The scale went up two pounds... so in four weeks, my net change has been -1.8 pounds. That is nothing short of pathetic - not because I'm hung up over the amount lost, but because I haven't been trying, and I know good and well I can do better.

It's not time for a new strategy. It's time for me to follow the one I've already laid out. My foot isn't getting any better, and won't until some of this weight comes off. I'm less than a year from starting the nursing program (Lord willing, of course), and I can't do it like this. It has to change.

Now.

Weigh in - Week 3

2008-09-10T22:38:00.003-05:00

Down another 0.8 lbs. It ain't much, but at least it's going the right direction. And I'm still on target for my goal by next year.

That's 3.8 total. Maybe next week I'll have a kick-butt weigh-in.

Oh... and I just got Season 7 of Smallville on DVD. I have promised myself that the only way I could watch it is if I ride the bike at the same time. Allow me to say that Tom Welling is a great motivator - I rode through two episodes, for an hour's worth of exercise. I only quit because I had to study and get ready for church. :)

Weigh-in #2

2008-09-05T21:47:00.002-05:00

Down one pound. Don't ask me how, given that this weekend seemed full of those sabotage moments - you know, when things go totally out of control, despite your best efforts.

So that's three down total. Can't complain. Just wish my foot felt better.

Officially Official

2008-08-29T09:16:00.003-05:00

Yup. I joined WW online. I finally realized that I had to have the structure.

And the results?

Week one, down two pounds exactly. Okay, maybe not exactly, but the accuracy of my scale is somewhat in doubt - but at least it didn't go up.

Now I just have to survive Labor Day weekend. Shouldn't be too bad - I'm going to Mom's and she's great about making sure I have healthy options.

Sick + Update

2008-08-18T06:39:00.002-05:00

Being sick makes it decidedly tough to exercise. Diet also goes out the window when your sore throat dictates the foods you can stand to eat.

In other words, three weeks after starting, I'm still holding steady at the same weight. This is not fun. I am so congested that I have asthma-like symptoms, so exercise it out of the question. I am hoping that I can maybe get some slower exercise on the bike this evening. I have good food to eat - maybe tonight that salad will taste a little better than it did Saturday evening, eh?

Checklist

2008-08-13T07:27:00.002-05:00

Riding the new bike?
Check.

Making good food choices?
Check.

Losing weight?

Losing weight?

Losing weight????

Nope. No check. No weight lost. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

I have the bike!

2008-08-08T06:58:00.002-05:00

It's here, it's here!
.
.
.
.
in about a million pieces all over the living room, that is! I wanted to assemble the bike last night, but Jeff had the only large-enough phillips-head screwdriver safely tucked away in the car. I guess he wanted the company while he delivered pizza. Anyway, I had to settle for waiting until tonight.

Since my foot was in considerable pain yesterday, I did absolutely nothing last night but sit on my butt. I guess doing a WATP video was a bad idea, and the doctor pressing his thumbs into the tender spot on my heel certainly didn't help. Tonight I'll have to clean the house, but I'm giving myself as much time as I can to rest my poor foot. I now have an anti-inflammatory, which should help, and I am going to try a different pair of heel inserts, too.

I also have a confession to make. I ate five - count 'em, five - chocolate-covered donuts yesterday. Total moment of weakness. Ugh. You wouldn't think something so lightweight could cause so much damage! The one thing I did do right yesterday was drink a heckuva lot of water - way past the recommended 8 cups.

Game plan for today: Stay OP. Clean house, assemble bike - and if I have energy after all that, actually use the dang thing for a while!

Monday Update

2008-08-04T12:17:00.002-05:00

I'm frustrated, and I think I'm getting old or something. As hard as I try, I just seem to be holding steady with my weight. No gain, no loss. I have a physical scheduled for Thursday - something I've never done - and I'm going to have my cholesterol, thyroid, and everything checked that they can think of. I wonder if maybe my thyroid meds are off or something.

I've decided to go into a full-blown attempt at Core. It worked before, and maybe by sticking to it strictly, I'll do a little better.

It's going to be a busy week - the start of many. I have to start managing my time very carefully if I'm going to accomplish the daily tasks and exercise and eat right. I hope I can do it.

Love my daddy!

2008-07-31T14:10:00.002-05:00

Funny how people can be on the same wavelength at the same time...

I've been struggling with motivation. No surprise there. It seems that after that first go-round, when I did so remarkably well, my drive to keep going just completely fizzled. I was on the phone with Mom, discussing this very thing. Do I got back to Weight Watchers or try it online? Or should I try something different altogether?

One problem I've had lately is that my feet are constantly hurting. Based on research, and a tip from a friend, I'm reasonably sure I have a nifty case of plantar fasciitis going on. Unfortunately, being on my feet makes it hurt worse, so exercise feels like its bringing more pain than gain. I'd looked at exercise bikes, but hadn't found exactly what I wanted.

Anyway... back to Mom. She has a call come in from Dad and says she'll call me right back. A few minutes later, the phone rings, and she's laughing. Turns out that as we were talking about my Big Dilemma, Dad was on the internet ordering me a bike! LOL

Even better - he got me exactly the kind of bike I had wanted but couldn't find. Here's a picture:

I had tried a similar bike at Curves and loved how comfortable it was. The back support and seat are fantastic - you don't get a sore bum and your back doesn't ache. Plus it's a fairly quiet bike, so you can watch TV, read, or do whatever. It should roll in here (hee-hee - get it? roll in here?) in a couple of weeks, and I can get some quality cardio time without hurting my feet so badly.

Love you, Dad! :)

Be Careful What You Wish For

2008-07-28T06:37:00.000-05:00

I got mine... weighed in this morning... exactly what I weighed in last Sunday.

Grrrrrrrrr.......................

Sunday, No Weigh-In

2008-07-27T21:41:00.002-05:00

It didn't take long... I'm already feeling discouraged. Typically the munchies strike about a week before AF - this month, the munchies decided to visit early. It hasn't helped that things have been so utterly hectic. We just got back from a whirlwind trip to Mom's, where I ate too much much (couldn't let a Mrs. Pace's chocolate cake just sit there untried, could I?), even though for the most part I at least attempted to make good choices.

This week should be a little bit slower, so I am resolving to exercise at least three times. I only have Wednesday night tied up with church. Maybe I can squeeze some much-needed housework in while I'm at it.

I wasn't home this morning to weigh in (on my terribly inaccurate and inconsistent scale), so I will check in tomorrow with a number that I am praying is at least no more than last week's. We shall see, eh?

Mid-Week Check-In

2008-07-24T08:28:00.002-05:00

Yup. I definitely picked a tough week to start a diet. With the meetings at night, it means that we have been eating out after church. That's not so much a problem - I have learned to navigate my way through a menu. The real issue is that I depend on leftovers for healthy lunches. Often I revamp them a bit (i.e., using grilled chicken to make pitas or salads), but operating like this is both a time-saver and money-saver. Without leftovers this week, and with a dwindling stash in the refrigerator, meals have been tough. I'm doing the best I can, though.

I have managed to squeeze in one workout, plus a 90-minute house-cleaning frenzy. Tonight will be more cleaning (heavy stuff like mopping and vacuuming and that sort of thing), and I might get ambitious and do a workout video if I'm not too tired.

This weekend I'm heading to Mom's, which shouldn't be too bad. Mom & Dad are always so supportive of my weight loss attempts, and they go out of their way to make sure the menu is good for me.

So that's my update for the week. I've stepped on the scales a few times, but I'm not paying much attention to the numbers until Sunday. Ta-ta!

Monday, Monday...

2008-07-21T07:49:00.002-05:00

I always seem to pick the worst weeks to start a new habit! We're having a gospel meeting at church, and my evenings are completely tied up through Wednesday. It's going to make finding exercise time tough, and eating right tougher.

Must press on... must press on...

This week's goals are to drink my 64 oz of water each day and to exercise 4x, for at least 10 minutes each. Also, I created a journal on the computer to record what I eat and my exercise for the day. One thing I've learned my from Weight Watcher days is that journaling really does keep me more accountable. At the very least, it helps me understand the trends in my weight changes.

I just started in the middle of last week, but each Monday I want to list a few things I accomplished the previous week. I am proud that I pulled out a WATP video and FIRM video, even if they were short ones. I ate out a few times, but made healthy choices.

To quote one of Bebo's favorite little blue engines: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Where the Pedal Meets the Metal

2008-07-17T23:22:00.002-05:00

I have a confession to make. This blog came dangerously close to deletion - my finger was on the button more than once. I quit. I didn't care. (Okay, I did care, but not enough to do anything.)

I had to quit WW because of transportation. Again. And since I was only partially motivated anyway, quitting meetings popped the balloon entirely on my drive.

But big changes are happening in my life. This fall I am taking prerequisites to the nursing program, and if all goes well, I'll be accepted and actually beginning my clinicals in just a little over a year. Here's the thing: I am so horribly out of shape and obese that I can't be on my feet for more than 30 minutes at a time. They hurt so much it feels like I'm walking on gravel.

Do you know what I want to do? I want to help deliver babies. I want to work in the NICU, with preemies and AIDS babies and crack babies. I want to eventually get a midwife certification and do missions work in Africa, teaching pregnant women and new mothers how to take care of themselves and their children.

And I can't do any of that unless this weight comes off. Besides being a horrible example, it's so inhibiting... I have to be able to survive clinicals, not to mention 12-hour shifts. It just ain't gonna happen in my current state. The weight has to come off. It has to happen. No more goofing off. No more excuses. No more late-night Krystal runs. No more pretending that what goes in my mouth won't land right on my thighs.

It's now or never. This is the end. My dreams can't go on hold any longer.

Post-Game Score

2008-04-22T07:33:00.003-05:00

I really need to update the look of this blog. That might be my project for today. . .

Anyhoo - official weigh-in last night: down 2 lbs. I breathed such a sigh of relief. It's discouraging to go a whole month without any change.

If all goes well (though nothing has, of late), I will exercise this evening. I'll keep ya posted.

Monday, Monday

2008-04-21T12:42:00.002-05:00

All I really want to do is take a nap. This is not what is going to happen. Spurred on by seasonal allergies, my cough is getting out of control. I did set up an exercise schedule, but might not be feeling well enough to start. I tried to keep it very simple. No routine is longer than 40 minutes, and I've schedule easy routines that I know won't kill me.

But this afternoon I have a dentist appointment and a WW meeting - and something tells me I may be so worn out when I get home that exercise will be the farthest thing from my mind.

Me, this week.

2008-04-16T22:45:00.002-05:00

Frustrated and discouraged and really wanting to give up but really afraid to at the same time. I wanted to exercise, but between being sick, finicky computers, and a car accident (no one was hurt), physical activity has not been on the radar. I'm trying so hard to behave myself. Well - at least after eating the last of the birthday cake. I finally shoved it in the trash can so I wouldn't be tempted to eat it all by myself. The dumb thing is - I don't even like store-bought cakes.

I'm tired and cranky. Maybe tomorrow will be better. At least I can say I didn't totally blow it today; I kept fairly well in the realms of the Core rules. . . excepting the piece of cornbread and half a biscuit I ate at Cracker Barrel tonight. I have the whole weekend ahead of me to restrain myself. Wish me luck.

Exercise - the Final Frontier

2008-04-11T19:06:00.002-05:00

I hate to exercise. It's exacerbated by being so pitifully out of shape. I need to just buckle down and do it, but - I. Don't. Wanna.

Got to.

Don't wanna!

Got to.

Don't wanna!

(hear the little shoulder angel/devil dueling?)

I am not going to exercise tonight. However, I am going to bust my tail cleaning my house, which does count as exercise. Trust me - with the condition I let my house get into, I can burn some serious calories.

So I'm off now - to boldly clean when no man has cleaned before!

Motivation Is a Good Thing

2008-04-10T08:24:00.002-05:00

Yessiree. Every time I've even considered putting food in my mouth that I didn't really need, that hideous picture popped into my brain like a flashing neon billboard. So far, I've done well. The weekend might get tough, but I'm behaving right now. I even turned down a biscuit and cornbread at Cracker Barrel last night! Do you know how hard that is for me to do??

Since I haven't shared a recipe lately, thought I'd clue you in on a couple of high-yumminess-factor meals.

First (and oh-so-easy), bake a sweet potato. Spoon on a little bit of unsweetened coconut milk, add some curry powder and garam masala (it's a spice blend - find it with the rest of the spices at the grocery store), and mash it all together. De-stinkin'-licious. Easy lunch, too, especially if you buy those plastic-wrapped potatoes.

Second: egg salad. Since I'm on Core, I can have the whole egg, though it probably would be better to leave out half the yolks. Still, the yolk is my favorite part. Anyhoo - boil a dozen eggs. Add in fat-free Miracle Whip (or mayo if you're that kind of person), spicy mustard, curry powder, freshly ground black pepper, and sea salt. All ingredients to taste - I just dump it in until I get the texture I want. Delish. Really.

Think I'm going to grill tonight... shish-ka-bobs sound good, no?

Defining Moment

2008-04-07T22:10:00.004-05:00

I swore I'd never do it, but I used the "no-weigh" pass tonight. I knew the scale would show a gain, and I simply didn't need that discouragement.

That being said, I had a good food day. I resisted the urge for a bean burrito, and ate (mostly) Core foods. It meant a little improvising, since I haven't done a major shopping trip lately. I did make a fabulous chicken salad (I eat the stuff for breakfast, it's so good!), and I have boiled eggs cooling for an egg salad, too.

In other matters... have you ever had one of those Defining Moments? You know, that trigger that suddenly snaps you back to reality? I had one. A big one. I even hesitate to post this, but the truth is those of you who know me beyond the cyberworld already know what I look like.

Jeff had a "change project" due for school. He had to improve someone (who naturally wound up being me) by encouraging regular exercise. Ha! Because of rain and infrequent opportunity, we only walked 3 days. This meant we had to stage some photographs at the track, which is where that Defining Moment took place.

When I saw the pictures, I was horrified. Literally. I wanted to cry. I didn't know I looked like that. It's not exactly an angle I see often, you know? I just can't believe that's me - it doesn't feel like me! But I know the camera didn't lie. How did I let myself get to this point? My word, I'm a cow.

I think I'm going to enlarge this photo and hang it on the refrigerator. And the pantry. And my computer. And the rearview mirror. I do not want to be this person. Ever. No way. This is not who I am!!!

Time for Handslapping

2008-04-06T16:53:00.002-05:00

I've been bad, in the worst sort of way. Without going into too much detail, about halfway through my cycle... bring on the munchies! I get this absurd urge to eat everything, whether I'm remotely hungry or not.

So, in that spirit, I am returning to Core this week. Because I can't eat out on Core, I'm hoping it will keep me in check.

Maybe.

Then again, after facing the disaster that will be my weigh-in tomorrow, maybe not. I might have to go bury my sorrows in a hot fudge cake sundae.

Week 5

2008-04-01T11:43:00.002-05:00

Reporting in... I didn't lose this week. I also didn't gain. I think that's to be expected, actually. I've passed the magical 30-year-old mark, and it seems that the weight will not come off quite so easily as when I was 3 years younger. Besides, last week was so great, it somewhat offsets the maintenance of the scale. I didn't gain. This makes me happy. :)

I have tried some wonderful new foods lately. I'm quite taken with Asian- & island-inspired cuisine. I've got to work out a couple of kinks, but I'll be posting recipes as soon as I get them a little bit more to my liking. I love that WW encourages me to try new foods - makes life interesting.

Here's my page for the week. I keep forgetting to take the album to my meeting. Gotta remember that next time!

Week 4 Journal Page

2008-03-25T18:26:00.001-05:00

Since I forgot....

2008-03-24T20:42:00.003-05:00

Here are two pages I've done for my mini-album. I decided to just make them 4x6, so I can easily (and cheaply) have prints made and stick them in a little brag book. Works quite nicely, if I do say so myself.

I'll post this week's when I've finished it. At the moment I'm a bit stumped.

Yeah, baby!

2008-03-24T20:40:00.001-05:00

I can't dance, but I can lose weight! FOUR-point-SIX POUNDS, thankyouverymuch!

I am IN the game again. I'm feelin' it - don't mess with me now!

Oh. My. Gosh.

2008-03-20T18:54:00.003-05:00

Where have you been all my life, Peanut Chicken with Vegetables and Noodles? I never dreamed something with such a weird combination of tastes could possibly be this delicious. Jeff needs to get off work pronto or I'm going to eat the entire thing!!! Since I'm a nice person, I'll share the recipe with you. :)

Peanut Chicken with Vegetables and Noodles

1 lb. chicken breasts (or turkey)
1/2 smooth reduced-fat peanut butter
2 tbsp. soy sauce
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. minced fresh ginger
1 tsp. garam masala
8 oz. whole-wheat spaghetti
12 oz. bag fresh veggie medley (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower)

Cook chicken. (I chose to grill turkey, but you could also boil it.) Transfer chicken to cutting board, when cool enough to handle, shred into bite-sized strips.

Whisk peanut butter, soy sauce, garlic, chili, ginger, and garam masala in large bowl.

Cook pasta in boiling water. Halfway through cooking time, add vegetables. Cook until both are tender. Drain, reserving 2/3 c. cooking liquid. Stir reserved liquid into peanut sauce. Add pasta, vegetables, and chicken; toss well to coat. Serve warm or chilled.

Serves 6.

Don't knock this until you've tried it. It is incredible!

Something to Report

2008-03-17T21:08:00.003-05:00

I almost hesitate to say it, for fear I'll jinx myself - but I feel like I might finally be back on track. I am crossing my fingers it's true. Somehow I just feel more in the swing of things, if that makes any sense.

I did go to WW tonight - I was the only one who stayed for the meeting! I wasn't overly thrilled with my loss - 1.8 lbs over two weeks - but considering I was out of town both weekends, I can't complain too much. It's taken three weeks to lose 2 lbs, but I am not giving up.

You know what makes me happiest about spring & summer? The new wave of fresh, yummy produce. I love the bright colors and delicious flavors. My fave thing to do is grill veggies. All it takes is a foil pouch, a little black pepper, and a splash of EVOO - wrap it up, toss it on the grill, and you've got veggies so good they might as well be chocolate! I could live off of grilled summer veggies - zucchini, carrots, corn on the cob, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers, summer squash - mmm, mmm good!!!

Week 1 Update

2008-03-04T18:08:00.002-06:00

Not so hot.

No, not hot at all.

However, I am still creative! :) And since the scrapping bug has hit HARD lately, I decided to motivate myself by scrapbooking my weekly progress and posting it on my fave site ever (2peas). Hopefully forcing myself to a public update will help more. Yeah, I know blogging is "public," but I don't think anyone actually reads this blog. (Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself, though.)

So... I am going to attempt to post the page here, but I'm also going to link to it because I don't think it will be easy to read. Without further adieu, here is Week 1.

Link

Here I Go Again...

2008-02-29T10:24:00.002-06:00

I rejoined WW Monday. It's the same old song and dance, so I won't bore you with the details. The good news is that I only gained 5 lbs in my 2-months hiatus from WW.

I'll report back soon.

Changes

2008-01-07T06:38:00.001-06:00

Oh, boy. Sometimes it feels as though the world is out to sabotage my efforts. I've already had to quit going to WW meetings and my internet subscription; now it's looking like I'm going to be relegated to Hamburger Helper for meals - not exactly the healthiest choice on the menu.

Still, I am going to keep trying. I have to find a way to make Core cheaper. Maybe more vegetarian dishes? It doesn't bother me to cut way back on meat. I have a ton of couscous in the pantry, so I should probably focus on ways to spruce it up. This is not going to be easy.

If you watch my weigh-in progress to the side, you'll notice that the numbers have jumped. That's partly because I gained weight over Christmas, and partly because my home scale weighs 3-4 pounds heavier than the "official" one at meeting. Besides that, my scale is rather inaccurate. Since I can't afford a new one, it will have to do for now. I'm going to keep a Monday morning WI for the time being. Seems easiest to me.

Necessary Motivation

2008-01-03T18:29:00.000-06:00

Mom & Dad are talking about a trip to Disney World this spring. If that's not motivation to lose, I don't know what is. I've got to drop some serious weight, or I will be miserable after walking around the park for two days. I want to enjoy my first trip to the Magic Kingdom, ya know?

You heard me right. I am 30 years old and I have never been to Disney World. Isn't that sad?

Anyway, Days 1 and 2 have passed nicely. I haven't overdone it, I've stuck to the Core plan, and I've been too cold to eat too much, anyway. :)

Everytime I think about eating something I shouldn't, I think about Disney World. So far the strategy is working. Let's hope I can keep up the pace for three months.

Well.....

2008-01-02T15:22:00.000-06:00

Deep subject.

It turns out that broken-down cars are not conducive to Weight Watcher attendance. And since we can neither afford to fix the Lumina nor buy a replacement, it means I'm going to have to go solo again with WW.

This is disappointing, but not disastrous.

I've decided to switch back to Core. Since my frequent fast food runs have been eliminated by the car shortage, it means I have to eat a lot of good food here at home. Core has worked so well for me before, so here I go again.

So far, so good. I've decided to switch my start day to Wednesday. Since Core doesn't involve journaling, I really don't need my WW online membership (which I also cancelled because of lack of funds), and my wild run to the grocery store yesterday has taken care of meals for at least the next week - maybe two if I stretch it.

It's been so cold today that I haven't really been hungry. I've had oatmeal and a big bowl of chili, plus one dark chocolate Ferrero Rocher (for one of my 35 WPAs). No water. I can't stand the thought of ice water when it's not even 50 degrees in the office.

I'll keep you posted on my progress - hopefully a little more frequently than I had been doing.

Wish me luck!

Going Nowhere . . . Fast

2007-12-18T09:53:00.000-06:00

So much for my 2-lb a week average - I am back up 1.2 pounds. In other words, I've accomplished absolutely nothing in the last month.

After I get back from my Christmas travels, I am going on Core again. For real this time. Maybe that will help me get back on track.

I have every reason in the world to want to lose weight. Now I just to have to find the strength to actually do it.

Belated update

2007-12-12T10:25:00.001-06:00

Somehow I got busy and forgot to post my progress from Monday's WI. I recovered somewhat from the previous week's disaster and lost 2.2. Technically, I've only lost 1 pound in two weeks. How lovely is that?

I almost quit this week - not because I'm giving up, but because of a serious lack of funds. After debating it all day, I decided that I was worth the extra $. I did cancel my online subscription, though. This means I'll have to find another way to journal. I prefer using the computer, so maybe I can develop a spreadsheet or something.

It's slow going. My heart isn't always in it, but I don't want to give up, either.

It Coulda Been Worse

2007-12-06T09:46:00.000-06:00

I gained a pound. No surprise there. It's time to move on and hope for the best. This could get interesting, since my budget for the next few months isn't going to allow much more than Ramen noodles. I'm going to do the best I can anyway. *sigh* I don't really need another reason to de-motivate myself.

I Ain't Getting Nuttin for Christmas...

2007-12-02T16:28:00.000-06:00

... cause I ain't been nuttin' but BAD!!!

Oh, yeah. I hit another one of my gotta-eat-everything-in-sight-and-half-of-what-isn't phases this week.

It was not pretty.

So I've been guzzling water like a Hemi guzzles gasoline and trying to eat well as I can the last couple of days. Maybe tomorrow won't be a total disaster.

In the meantime - I made turkey pot pie, and it was SO GOOD! Here's the recipe - substitute chicken if it's what you have.

Turkey Pot Pie

1 1/2 c. mixed veggies (if frozen, thaw them out first)
1 1/2 c. diced turkey
1 can 98% fat-free cream of chicken soup
salt & pepper to taste
phyllo dough (I used 1/4 of a 16-oz package)

Preheat oven to 350. In a bowl, combine veggies, turkey, soup, and salt and pepper. Spray a 9-in pie plate with cookine spray. Working quickly, layer one sheet phyllo dough in the plate and lightly coat with cooking spray. Repeat until 5 sheets are left. Spoon in turkey mixture. Cover with remaining five sheets. Spray top liberally with spray (or use butter spray). With a knife, cut slits for steam to escape. Bake at 350 for 35-40 minutes. Allow to stand 5 minutes before serving. Serves 4. (5 WWP each)

Now, if you've never worked with phyllo dough, I have to admit I cheated. I could care less about making it look pretty, so I didn't cover the dough with a wet towel while I worked. Technically you're supposed to do that, but if you go fast enough you can get away with just peeling off each layer without the towel. BTW - the stuff is super-thin, like tissue paper. It does tear easily. You'll have to wad the ends up back into the crust, and I rotated each sheet a little so my corners would be spread out evenly around the pie plate. This was my first time working with it, but it tasted fantastic as a crust, and is ten times lighter than your usual pie crust. I will most assuredly be trying it again with other things.

I Survived Round One!

2007-11-26T20:06:00.000-06:00

I did it. I made it past Thanksgiving. Honestly, this isn't much of an accomplishment - Mom & Dad were so supportive of me, and so careful to make it easy for me to make good choices that it made the holiday a breeze. The ride home was far worse than the Big Meal itself. By the time we'd fought traffic for 90 minutes longer than usual, I wanted to do nothing so much as devour six double cheeseburgers. (I just ate one single.)

The WI today was good, but not stellar. I lost 2.2 for the week. I was hoping for something a little more exciting - but considering that's nearly six pounds in two weeks, I can't complain.

I have probably said this before, but I am starting to feel the groove again. I've had a few decent WIs, and if I can keep it up for a while, I might get back to my 2-lb per week average from my first try at WW. One of the ladies at the meeting said it looked like I had lost, and I was thrilled to hear it from someone besides my parents or my husband, who I am sure feel somewhat obligated to praise me regardless. (Not that I mind - it's just a little different when it comes from someone else.)

Moving on. . . I have to mentally prepare for Christmas. That will be the tough holiday. I am dreading it from a food standpoint. It looks like we'll be going to Indy this year, which obliterates my original exercise plan. I'm going to have to rethink, and I'm not sure of the best approach just yet.

One more thing - I'm experimenting with leftovers this year, and if it's as yummy as I hope, I'll have some new recipes to share in a few days.

Thankful for a Good WI

2007-11-19T21:21:00.000-06:00

Woot! I was down 3.4 pounds this week! This made me very happy, especially since I really blew right past my weekly points after the tornado Thursday. (No pun intended.)

Now to Thanksgiving. . . I am really not stressing this one. My last stint on WW saw my greatest loss Turkey Week, and since Mom & Dad are so supportive, I know they're doing what they can to make sure I have good choices. I have decided to enjoy the foods I love (like Mom's dressing) in moderation. We're lightening some things a little, but not too much. I'm just going to stay out of my WPAs until Thursday and Friday, then go back to dailies only for the rest of the week. If I am careful, I should do well - and maybe get past the 10-lb mark.

Now that would be something to be thankful for! :)

Weekly Musings

2007-11-13T08:47:00.000-06:00

After a weekend of insanity (read: watching 3 kids age 4 and under), I am pleased with the results of my WI last night. Down another 0.8 pounds - not much, but it's still a loss.

I seriously need to get back on track with my exercise. Tonight, short of the final destruction of Earth, I am going to work out - preferably a longer 50+ minute DVD. I have been remiss in my exercise lately, and I really need to correct that before it becomes a habit.

Today I began with a healthy and filling breakfast - a scrambled egg sandwich made w/light bread, a ff cheese slice, ff Miracle Whip (yum!), and roughly 1/2 c. eggbeaters; a honeycrisp apple (simply divine - I didn't know apples could be so sweet!); and about 3 cups of coffee mixed with a cup of skim milk, daVinci sf hazelnut syrup, and splenda (yes, I know - I really need my caffeine!).

One failure to report: in trying to cut back on spending, I decided to subject myself to canned soft drinks for my carbonation fix instead of spending $1.75 on a soda from a fountain. Sadly, canned Diet Mountain Dew is horrible, horrible stuff - nothing like its delicious counterpart from the Taco Bell fountain machine. Now I have eleven cans of nastiness in the fridge that I probably can't pawn off on anyone.

Guess I'll stick with diet Coke from now on.

Surprise, surprise

2007-11-07T09:54:00.000-06:00

In spite of myself, I actually lost weight. Guess I should quit paying attention to the scale at home. It seems to be perpetually wrong. Finally, finally, finally - I have broken the 5-lb mark. I never dreamed it would come off so slowly this time. I've really got to keep at it, and pray that I don't slip again.

Discouraged

2007-11-05T07:03:00.000-06:00

I feel pretty confident that today's weigh-in won't be a good one, based on the scale tucked in the bathroom. Four weeks and I haven't been able to lose five measly pounds. Before there were times when I'd lose five pounds in one week! I am so frustrated!

I've decided that I need to back off the exercise a bit. I think I'm overdoing it - by exercising (hard) five days a week, I'm not leaving myself much room to grow. Besides that, I'm just not sure my body is ready for that kind of abuse yet. Technically I can do the exercise, but I'm risking burnout in the process.

Something's gotta give. I need to lose the weight; I know that. But if I don't start seeing some progress soon, I'm going to lose my sense of motivation - and that is a dangerous thing.

Frustrating...

2007-10-30T06:37:00.000-05:00

I gained yesterday. Ack! The crazy thing is that I did everything almost exactly the same as I did the week before when I lost nearly 4 pounds. I suppose it could be because I am working out so much harder. Most likely I'll never know why that blasted scale went up instead of down. I guess I am just going to have to be thankful it was only 0.6 pounds.

I am going to make some adjustments this week. I think I'll eat less of my weekly points and see what happens.

On the plus side, my jeans are fitting better. I didn't have to go through the usual gyrations to stretch them out when I wore them fresh from the dryer. My exercise must be paying off, even if it's making the scale slow down.

On to next week...

Yippiee!

2007-10-23T10:11:00.000-05:00

This week was much better than last. I lost 3.8 pounds for a total of 4.2. In my previous life on WW, I averaged 2.2 pounds a week, so this puts me back in that range. I am pleased. :)

I admit I splurged a little last night on a banana split, but it was a planned splurge. I like to have a couple of nights a week where I use WPAs to enjoy something I wouldn't otherwise eat.

Exercise has been going well. Although I can't tell much of a difference in my clothes, I seem to be more aware of my muscles. That sounds strange, doesn't it? I'm not sore (except in my shoulders), but all the lifting is making me more in tune to muscles I didn't know I had. Today is a rest day, for which I am terribly grateful!

Tonight I will earn a few APs by doing housework. I think I'll spend some time in the kitchen prepping meals for the freezer, too. It almost seems odd to have a night off from exercise. At any rate, I will hopefully accomplish much this evening - nowhere to go, and nothing to do but clean.

Boy, do I lead an exciting life!

Another Monday

2007-10-22T09:53:00.000-05:00

It is Monday again - which means it's time to face the scale. I think this will be a better weigh-in. Guess I'll know soon enough.

In the meantime, allow me to share with you the most fabulous baked spaghetti I have ever put in my mouth. I adapted a recipe from Light & Tasty magazine, and it was so good I had to put it in the fridge before it had cooled so I wouldn't eat it all!

Baked Spaghetti

12 oz. whole wheat spaghetti
1 lb. 96% lean ground beef
1 large onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
4 c. Ragu No-Sugar Added Tomato & Basil Sauce (1 1/2 jars)
4 c. 1% cottage cheese
2 1/2 c. part-skim shredded mozzarella, divided
1/2 c. grated reduced-fat Parmesan, divided

Cook spaghetti according to package directions. Meanwhile, in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat, cook beef, onion, and garlic until meat is no longer pink; drain. Add the spaghetti sauce and heat through.

In a large bowl, combine the cottage cheese, 2 cups mozzarella and 1/4 cup Parmesan. Drain the spaghetti.

Spread 1 cup meat mixture into a 13x9 baking dish coated with cooking spray. Layer with half the spaghetti, half the cheese, and half the remaining sauce. Repeat layers. Dish will be full.

Cover and bake at 350 for 45 minutes. Uncover; sprinkle with remaining mozzarella and Parmesan cheeses. Bake 5-10 minutes longer or until heated through and cheese is melted.

Serves 10, 6 points per serving. Still haven't figured exact NI.

The key to the low points (and flavor) is the brand of Spaghetti sauce. It's the lowest-point brand I've been able to find, and it really makes the dish.

Disappointed, But Not Discouraged

2007-10-16T07:15:00.000-05:00

With multiple factors weighing in, not the least of which was a very bad food weekend, it did not surprise me in the least to see that I only lost 0.4 pounds at weigh-in yesterday. Lack of surprise did not keep me from being disappointed. I am used to stellar performances at the scale, and 0.4 pounds did not measure up to my high expectations.

Even so, I am not giving up. I have nothing out of the ordinary going on this week, so it should be a little easier to stay on plan. Besides, I have much to be proud of - even on the day I blew it, I still got in all the 8HGs. I exercised 3 days last week. I journaled everything I ate. I took little baby steps toward making this a lifestyle. I will not be discouraged.

In other news... have you tried the lettuce wraps at Chili's? They are wonderful - not quite as spectacular as the ones at PF Changs, but delish nonetheless. So many distinct flavors meld together it's a veritable explosion in your mouth. I love Asian food!

Somehow, despite eating at Chili's last night and indulging in Southwest Rolls and a bit of spinach-artichoke dip, I managed to only dip into 3 of my WPAs. I have some of the lettuce rolls left over for lunch today - yum! Their Guiltless Grill menu just doesn't appeal to me, but it would appear that I managed to make good choices anyway - yet another victory!

Redemption of a Bad Day

2007-10-14T22:31:00.000-05:00

So I didn't do so well last night. I'd budgeted points for an all-night crop that I attended, and stayed within those points while I was there. But when I got home, my allergies went beserk and I started feeling badly. When I feel bad, I eat. Factor in an impending TOM, and disaster was bound to strike.

I blew it. Blew the door right off my weekly points.

*sigh*

But I was good today! I exercised, ate one under my daily points (a no-no, I realize, but since I ate out twice today I thought I'd give myself some leeway), and got in all of the 8HGs. Maybe my weigh-in tomorrow won't be a total loss.

You know, despite blowing it yesterday, I did manage to do all the HGs again. That is something, considering how much I struggle to do that.

Now it's off to the shower and then to bed. I'm sleepy!

Hope

2007-10-09T07:35:00.001-05:00

I decided to go ahead and start attending meetings again. As it was, I got in on the last week of free registration. Smart girl, ain't I? (Or maybe just lucky...)

Anyway, I had forgotten that the WW scales always read lower then the one I have at home, so I was pleasantly surprised by my starting number. I'll be updating the stats on the sidebar to reflect that.

I think if I ever lose the weight, I could be a Leader. I'm enthusiastic about the plan and love to share information with others. Something to think about - but first I have to get rid of the excess poundage.

For the first time, I feel that I'm really back into the swing of things. My heart and my head are finally into the right frame to do what must be done. I haven't forgotten the sweet taste of success. Somewhere in a drawer is a red Wonder Woman T-shirt. I bought it when I was at my lowest weight. It fit snugly, but I felt so cute wearing it - and I somewhat felt like a wonder woman for all I'd accomplished. I look forward to putting on that shirt again. I'm still early in the process, but now it seems like it might actually be attainable.

Hope. It's a wonderful thing to own.